Thursday, August 27, 2009

I am afraid

i am scared of spiders. and lobsters(they’re spiders with claws. eek!) i am scared of silence. i am scared of being closed in, yet i’m also scared of being let totally free. i am afraid i will never make any money with the profession that i may want for my future. i am afraid my mom will die before she sees me in my wedding dress. i am afraid that my dad will never see his grandchildren. i am afraid of never finding that one person who makes me happy. i am afraid of being irrationally loved. i am afraid that we’ll just sit and rot in the ground when we die. i am afraid there is no upside. i am afraid that the other-side is a shit-hole. i am afraid of being buried alive. i am afraid of dying before i turn twenty-five. i am afraid i’ll end up like my mom, with MS. i am afraid that we’ll never go back to the moon. i am afraid that if we do go back, we’ll ruin the look of it with our colonies. i am afraid of angry aliens coming to get us when we least expect it. i am afraid of freezing to death. i am afraid of burning to death. i am afraid of being stung by a bee, or a jellyfish. i am afraid of dolphins. i am afraid of my liking to my grandfather’s guns. i am afraid of stepping on a nail and it going straight through my foot. i am afraid of summer. i am afraid of crying.

i’m sometimes afraid of me.

Friday, August 7, 2009

girls: get your shotguns

he's the gorgeous one. the "tall, dark, and handsome" one. the secretly smart one. the one of many fantasies. the one who has a tough outer shell but is so sweet inside. the one every girl wants to get with. to be in his class would brighten your day. it'd be the highlight of your day if he asked if you had an extra pencil.


i'm sorry but he is. no boy is perfect, they may b pretty close to it but the are never perfect. he may be the one who forgets to call. the one with the annoying little brother. he may be cheating off your papers to seem smart when he's really the dumbest kid in school. the one who has the sexier older brother. he may be off-limits. he may be overly involved in his hobbies. the list goes on. but we still want him.
so we can't help ourselves, so what? he's dreamy and sexy and wow. and sometimes he doesn't even exist in your school so you have to start going through people you are friends with and find the one with the most "wow" friend and hang out with them both so much that you can start to hang out with the guy-of-wowness one on one. and you love it. you love it. that is until your whole world falls to the floor when you find out he's "totally crushing on this girl from his school" then you never meet up with him again.
or if he does exist in your school you're battling every single girl in your school for his attention. (they don't always go for the big-boobed or the cheerleader) and the one who isn't trailing after him (of course) is the one that HE likes. tragic really. and then she starts to notice him and doesn't want him even more than she did before, that is until he turns on the charm. and he get's her, and they're together for the rest of the year.
poor you.

but if you DO already have this boy (in your eyes. he may not be the stereotype "god" to every girl) so if you do already have him and he has one of those flaws mentioned above, try and fix it, or maybe just leave it alone. or if it's becoming a problem that's ruining your relationship, leave him. that's right break it off, say goodbye. it was good while it lasted, right? if not, forget it all.

good luck boy hunting...

Friday, July 31, 2009

oh the little cliques

oh the cliques, the names, the labels, the comments. the rebel, the plastic, the outcast, the cool kid, the artist, the music geek, the bad boy, the drama nerd, the druggie, the musician, the drinker, the prep, the goth, the paranoid, the emo kid, the weirdo, the chef, the scene chick, the wannabe, the slut, the nice guy, and the backdrop.
how many names to we need? why do we need to label anyone and everyone? and why is the weird kid the one who doesn't want a label? why is the kid who doesn't have many friends and just "blends in" called the backdrop? and why do we care? is it an association thing that we need? "oh that's luke" "who's luke?" "he's the backdrop, he's easy to miss" "oh now i remember." yeah that happens, maybe not in your school, maybe you don't even notice luke til he's grown a little, even though he's in half your classes. he's invited to parties somehow (though no one notices when he drinks more than the frat-boy-to-be who does the "CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!" contest) unlike the rebel who gets to the party and crashes making a big commontion when they walk in the door.
so although this boy named luke is a backdrop he does have friends. friends who know what he's going through cause they are also 'backdrops' the few people who he can talk to. and then durring the summer he isn't the backdrop, none of the backdrops are. they morph into something to make themselves feel remembered in someone's mind. they live for the summer just like the rest of us do. but they need it. they need to feel like they are known to someone, someone who doesn't think of them as the 'backdrop.'
that's what many kids strive for, to defy their label, to be known as who they are, not how they act. the backdrop is actually the artist. the prep is really the goth. the bad boy is actually the nice guy when he's alone. the plastic is truely the weirdo. and the rebel acts out to defy the fact that they are the backdrop. the cool kid is really the paranoid. the druggie is the chef at heart. and the drinker is seriously thinking of going to AA meetings.
we are who we are. not who we are labeled as.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

what is a home?

who am i really? who are you? what is this place we call home? is home a state of mind, or a state of being? or is it both? is home a place we live? or is it more than that? is it a place where you live and where you want to be? my home is not here in jersey. no f-ing way is this place anything like a home. it is the place here i reside, where my things are kept, where i sleep at night. but my home it will never be. a home is safe, a home is comforting, a home is yours. my home and your home are completely different. maybe they're rather similar.

"home is where the heart is"

Friday, July 24, 2009

what i'm about.

i shall start by saying:


i'm all about freedom. freedom of speech. freedom of religion. freedom of orientation. no that does not mean that i am gay, lesbian, bi, or trans-gender, it just means that i think that people shouldn't be discriminated against for something they can't help. if people discriminated against someone for their height, do you think that that would be reasonable? no, it wouldn't be. people can't help their orientation any more than people can help their height.

i believe that when i write something, that you may be allowed to have your opinion, whether it be good or bad, but i do NOT want to be bombarded with comments (on any of my sites) saying that i'm stupid for saying this and that... or that i'm totally wrong in my thoughts(how would you know that i am wrong, for one thing and for another, it's from MY point of view not yours, so yes there will be MANY differences.) i believe in opinions, but when you are totally wrong in said opinion i will confront you and tell you how wrong you may be.

i love poetry. well, i love meaningful poetry. something that touches my heart, or that draws me a picture in words. i love art, again it has to have meaning, don't just draw a picture of a flower that is absolutly beautiful just for the hell of it, have a reason, please, otherwise it's just a drawing, not art.

i love to dream, whether it be happy or nightmare, colorful or grayscale, cloudy or sunny, winter or spring. whether i am floating above the scene or in it, i love to dream. i love to zzz... i love to R.E.M. sleep.

and now i shall end by saying:

"goodbye for now."